By Judy Carmack Bross
Joe Stuart illustrates Tom Coleman’s Guestiquette
Tom Coleman’s recently released Guestiquette, with droll illustrations by Joe Stuart, is THE handbook for savvy hosts and guests who want to be invited back. Knowing that Classic Chicago readers are consummate hosts and perfect guests, we thought you’d enjoy these highs and lows.
The arrival of a well-educated guest: Tom Coleman
We caught up with Coleman as he crisscrossed the country on his current book tour for Guestiquette.
CCM: Was there one particular occasion that encouraged you to go to your computer and start writing about this delicious subject?
TC: They say you’re always supposed to write about what you know and since I knew a lot about being a houseguest it seemed like a good idea. Not that I have always been a perfect houseguest, far from it…But I’ve been a houseguest so many times and in so many different situations I do know what a separates a GOOD houseguest from a HORRIBLE One.
CCM: For city to country guests, from yachts (“call them boats”) to ranches, to that special invitation to a beach house, you provide tips to keep guests invited back. Are there a couple of universal tips we should know about?
TC: Try to be as invisible as possible to your host…You don’t have to hide in your room, but be aware that even though they invited your host doesn’t want to see you everywhere they look…Don’t be a hermit but don’t be hanging around 24 hours a day either. And always error on the side of being even cleaner and more orderly than would be at home…nobody ever complained about you being TOO neat.
CCM: You also talk about AirBnBs and the importance of reading the reviews. Give us your code for that.
TC: If someone takes the time to actually write a bad review, that’s a red flag. Even if people aren’t thrilled with a place they rarely give a bad review unless it’s REALL BAD. Also, read the responses the Airbnb host offers to their reviews….you can usually sense a crazy person in just a couple of sentences.
Other code words:
Bohemian- dirty
Cozy- tiny…be prepared to bump your head
Authentic- tons of stairs
Unique – there may be a bathtub in the kitchen
CCM: White House or haunted house, do specialty destinations have their own unique concerns?
TC: Specialty destinations are fun for a day or two but they get old fast. The more unusual a place is a shorter stay is probably a better idea. Would you really want to sleep for a week in an igloo?
Illustration by Joe Stuart
CCM: Very timely, what are your tips for Thanksgiving, whether visiting family or friends?
TC: Keep the visit as short as possible even if your host begs you to stay longer. Your goal is to avoid any conflict during your time with family, so stick to safe topics like food, football and why they should bring back the Snoopy balloon to the Macy’s Thanksgiving parade.
If things start to get uncomfortable with family, volunteer to do errands…go buy wood, run to the store for eggnog or pick someone up at the airport. This way you have less time hanging around the kitchen where things can suddenly get weird for no reason.
CCM: Choosing a hostess gift is always so hard. What are your recommendations?
TC: Actually THINK about the gift. It doesn’t have to be expensive and you don’t have to show up with something either. In fact, it makes more sense to send something after your visit because during your stay you might notice that your host loves a certain flavor ice cream, could use more wine glasses or mentions a book they want to read. Sending something your host mentioned during your stay is always a fun surprise and a great gift. Plus, if you took a flattering photo of your host or their family during your stay, frame it and send that as your gift. The key thing is to show you put THOUGHT into the gift and didn’t just buy another fancy candle.
Also, not to be too self-serving, but I actually think my book Guestiquette, is the perfect hostess gift! Hosts can place it in their guestroom so that all future guests know just what to do during their stay!
Illustration by Joe Stuart
CCM: What is the optimal time for a guest to stay?
TC: Everyone always quotes that three-day smelly fish line in regards to how long a houseguest should stay, which I think is silly. Your length of stay really depends on your host. Some hosts are fine with you staying a week or more while other hosts act like they want you out after fifteen minutes. Some people just aren’t meant to have houseguests, and that’s fine…so be sure your host genuinely wants you there before your show up at their door. The size of your host’s place also dictates how long you should stay as keeping out of your host’s way and not disrupting their routine is your goal. A studio apparent, maybe two days….a country estate with your own guest house, let them drag you out!
CCM: Share one adventure that you had as a houseguest which tells it all.
TC: Most of my houseguest experiences have been pretty good and I’m thankful to everyone who has hosted me. One houseguest story experience that is memorable is my time I spent in at a friend’s home in Connecticut. I had left NYC and was debating where to move next. I thought I might like living in small town New England and good friends had a summer place they weren’t using and offered to let me stay there. It was a beautiful place that was fashioned from an old barn. Their one request was that I supervise their sixteen- year- old son who would be there for part if the summer. All I had to do was make him dinner occasionally and make sure he didn’t burn the place down. At first, I was worried that things could go off the rails quickly, but it turned out to be great fun and their son still claims that I make the world’s best burrito…which is a good thing as burritos, burgers and ordering pizza were all I had on my menu.
Illustration by Joe Stuart
CCM: I know you are crossing the country on a book tour and is there one question that people are asking you or are they all telling you horror stories whether they have been hosts or guests?
TC: Everyone seems to have a story to tell and the stories they tell (almost always horrible) usually involve family members. Friends for the most part seem to be better behaved than family. I’ve been staying with friends on my book tour around the country and everyone I’ve stayed with has had a dog, which is a bonus as I’m a huge dog fan. My hosts have definitely watched to see what their dogs think of me and luckily, I’ve received five stars from all the furry friends I’ve met along the way.
Tom Coleman’s Guestiquette is available on Amazon.
